Thursday, March 31, 2011

Prince Once Made It Purple Rain All Over Carlos Boozer's Bedroom

Ok, I know it's Opening Day and no one should be thinking about anything else right now, but this story was just too good to pass up. Apparently a few years ago, Carlos Boozer rented out his mansion in Beverley Hills to the diminutive pop star, who obviously felt it necessary to do a little interior re-decorating. Here are some of the alterations Prince made to the home according to Boozer's former teammate, Jay Williams [via]:
  • Replaced front gate monogram with the Prince symbol.
  • Added purple dye and lighting to the small streams that surrounded the house.
  • Converted the master bedroom to a hair salon with purple monogramed carpets.
  • Added new plumbing and molding to the downstairs bedroom to provide extra water to the newly converted master bedroom/hair salon.
  • Added purple stripes to the exterior of the house.
According to the Chicago Sun-Times, Prince was paying $70,000 a month in rent on the place and was never give authorization to make ANY of the alterations. Obviously, this left Carlos Boozer a little livid. He was irate and demanded that Prince completely re-do the house back to the way it was. Here was Prince's answer, according to Jay Williams:

"Here is a check for a million dollars that will take care of everything to get it back the way you want it."

HO-LY FUCK. Is it possible for someone to be the biggest asshole and the biggest G on the planet at the same time? Needless to say, that little piece of paper put Boozer's mind at ease. Wouldn't be surprised if he threw in a gold plated raspberry beret with that million dollar check.

Best of the Best - American League Edition

A list of some of my predictions for the best of the best from the American League heading into the 2011 season.

Best Rotation: Oakland A's (Gonzalez, Braden, Anderson, Cahill, McCarthy)
Honorable Mentions: Boston Red Sox (Beckett, Lackey, Lester, Bucholz, Matsusaka); Tampa Bay Rays (Hellickson, Shields, Price, Niemann, Davis)

Billy Beane has done it again. Years after putting together the Mulder-Zito-Hudson three headed monster, Beane has managed to assemble another stellar class of starting pitching talent. The majority of the A's rotation may not be household names just yet, but many of them should be by the end of the season. Cahill, Anderson, and Gonzalez are all incredible young arms, and you may remember Dallas Braden pitching the nineteenth perfect game in MLB history last year. If the A's are going to succeed this year, they will have to lean heavily on their young staff because their offense is gonna be uglier than a sack of assholes.

Best Rookie: Jeremy Hellickson, SP, Tampa Bay Rays
Honorable Mentions: Kyle Drabek, SP, Toronto Blue Jays; Jesus Montero, C, New York Yankees; Mike Moustakas, 3B, Kansas City Royals

It seems like the Rays are the East Coast's answer to the A's in their ability to continue pouring out tremendous starting pitching talent. Hellickson will be another electrifying young arm that will add to the already promising crop of talent in David Price, Jeff Niemann, and James Shields. Hellickson finished with a 12-3 record at AAA Durham last season, striking out 123 batters in 117 innings and a 2.45 ERA to boot. Drabek, who was one of the players returned to the Jays in exchange for Roy Halladay, also has the potential for a strong season north of the border.

Best Chance for a Breakout Year: Kila Ka'aihue, 1B, Kansas City Royals
Honorable Mentions: Ryan Raburn, OF, Detroit Tigers; Brian Matsuz, SP, Baltimore Orioles; Gordon Beckham, 2B, Chicago White Sox

Last year, it was Jose Bautista shocking much of Major League Baseball as he belted out 54 HR. There might not be someone that breaks out quite like Jose did, but I expect big things from Kila Ka'aihue, even if I still am learning how to properly pronounce his name. The 27 year old has had a stellar Spring Training hitting 7 HR and knocking in 20 RBI. The Royals are a good young up and coming team and Ka'aihue will be a big part of their offense this year and into the future. Matsuz finished the 2010 campaign going 7-1 with a 2.11 ERA over his last 11 starts of the year. The only thing that might hold him back is having to pitch night after night in the Murder's Row that is the AL East.

Best Team That Didn't Make the Playoffs Last Year: Boston Red Sox
Honorable Mentions: Los Angeles Angels, Detroit Tigers, Oakland A's

The Red Sox failed to make the post-season and you could definitely tell there was a sense of urgency this offseason to not something like that happen again any time soon. The team made two huge offensive acquisitions in trading for 1B Adrian Gonzalez from the San Diego Padres and picking up OF Carl Crawford in free agency. Gonzalez will fall in love with the short porch in right field at Fenway faster than Snooki fell in love with Vinny's sausage and meatballs. Crawford is another tremendous talent that gives the team flexibility and speed at the top of the order. If Beckett, Lackey, and Matsusaka can somehow rebound from down years in 2010, the Red Sox look like they could be a pretty unstoppable force out east.

Best Bet for the Cy Young: Felix Hernandez, Seattle Mariners
Honorable Mentions: Justin Verlander, Detroit Tigers; Jered Weaver, Los Angeles Angels, Francisco Liriano, Minnesota Twins; David Price, Tampa Bay Rays; Jon Lester, Boston Red Sox; C.C. Sabathia, New York Yankees; Trevor Cahill, Oakland A's

The American League is at no loss for top end starting pitching prospects. King Felix was flat out dominant last year and I have no reason to believe he shouldn't do exactly the same this year. With literally NO offense to support him, Hernandez managed to put together 13 wins to go with his 232 K's and 2.27 ERA. Weaver, Price, and Cahill are all young guns that just continue to get better and better year after year. Sabathia, Verlander, and Lester are always going to be in the mix and each of them plays with high-octane offenses that will be sure to provide plenty of run support. The field is stacked and this will be one of the most fun races to watch throughout the 2011 campaign.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Best of the Best - National League Edition

A list of some of my predictions for the best of the best from the National League heading into the 2011 season.

Best Rotation: Philadelphia Phillies (Halladay, Lee, Oswalt, Hamels, Blanton)
Honorable Mention: San Francisco Giants (Lincecum, Cain, Bumgarner, Zito, Sanchez)

I know there are plenty of Giants fans out there that would like to try and argue the case for Timmy and Co., but lets be reality, the Phillies are just flat out filthy and in a completely different league when it comes to starting pitching. The only other rotation that I have seen in my lifetime that could match the one that GM Ruben Amaro Jr. has put together was the Braves rotation of the late 90's that featured Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, Greg Maddux, Denny Neagle and Mike Hampton. Blanton is the obvious weak link at the back end of the rotation, but this team looks to be in excellent hands with their 1-4 starters. Barring catastrophic injury to the entire front line, I'd bet Floyd Mayweather money that the NL Cy Young comes outta this group.

Best Rookie: Brandon Belt, 1B, San Francisco Giants
Honorable Mentions: Freddie Freeman, 1B, Atlanta Braves; Craig Kimbrel, P, Atlanta Braves; Yonder Alonso, 1B/LF, Cincinnati Reds; Bryce Harper, OF, Washington Nationals

The Rookie of the Year race in the National League has a tough act to follow with all the great rookies that came into their own in 2010 (Buster Posey, Jason Heyward, Logan Morrison, Jaime Garcia, Gaby Sanchez). Leading the pack is Brandon Belt, who managed a .352 batting average, .620 SLG, and .455 OBP across three different levels of the minors last year. He has managed to win a permanent spot at 1B for the reigning champs by posting an impressive spring with 3 HR's and 13 RBI's in 71 at-bats. Belt won't be without competition though, as there are a crop of rookies in Atlanta that will be biting at his heels with 1B Freddie Freeman, RP Craig Kimbrel and SP Mike Minor. Should make for a great race throughout the entire year.

Best Bet For MVP: Albert Pujols, 1B, St. Louis Cardinals
Honorable Mentions: Carlos Gonzalez, OF, Colorado Rockies; Ryan Braun, OF, Milwaukee Brewers; Joey Votto, 1B, Cincinnati Reds

This might actually be the only bigger no-brainer than picking the Phillies rotation as the best in the NL. Albert is an absolute animal and after he was unable to agree to an extension with the Cards in Spring Training, he is now auditioning for every mouth watering GM, Owner, and fan in Major League Baseball. I foresee yet another 40+ HR, 120+ RBI in the future for Pujols, who is still only 31 years old. CarGo out in Denver might be able to offer up some steep competition, but I'd like to see him re-create his breakout from a year ago before he makes a real surge to challenge Sir Winnie the Pujols.

Best Bet to Hit 50+ HR's: Mike Stanton, OF, Florida Marlins
Honorable Mentions: Albert Pujols, 1B, St. Louis Cardinals; Prince Fielder, 1B, Milwaukee Brewers

I've had the honor of getting to watch 21 year old man-child Mike Stanton taking batting practice in person. It's a well known fact that chicks dig the long ball, and I have a feeling The Real Housewives of Miami will be swarming around Mr. Stanton all season long. He has a solid offensive cast around him with Hanley Ramirez, Gaby Sanchez, and Logan Morrison, so he should see plenty of pitches to hit. Albert and Prince are perennial contenders to hit 50+ dingers, so I would not be surprised to see them do the same.

Best Team That Didn't Make the Playoffs Last Year: Colorado Rockies
Honorable Mentions: Milwaukee Brewers, Florida Marlins, Chicago Cubs

Last year, it was the Padres that gave Los Gigantes a run for their money. This year, I gotta feelin' that the boys in Denver will be doing just the same. The Rockies have an incredibly talented and young team led by Carlos Gonzalez, Troy Tulowitzki, Ian Stewart, and Ubaldo Jimenez. Even old man Todd Helton still has some pop left in his bat. If they can manage to work through their growing pains and put it all together, we may be seeing a whole new wave of bandwagon fans come Rocktober. The Marlins are in a very similar boat with a team that has all the potential in the world and just has to get all the pieces to fall into place. If their young hitters continue to mature and they could find some pitching, they might be able to make a run at the NL Wild Card. The Brewers have also greatly improved this offseason by adding pitchers Zach Greinke and Shaun Marcum. Should make for a great race in the NL Central.

The Two Most Beautiful Words in the English Language: Opening Day

The most beautiful day of the year is finally upon us and it couldn't have come soon enough. Tomorrow, at long last, is Opening Day. The period between the Super Bowl and the start of the Major League Baseball season are some of the darkest that sports fans must endure. The NFL season concludes in early February, the NBA and NHL regular seasons are a bigger joke than Amanda Black, and while the NCAA tournament does offer us some relief, tis merely a band-aid trying to cover up a hemorrhaging flesh wound. Baseball restores the wind in our sails and offers salvation from the doldrums of winter. It means beer, and overpriced souvenirs, and all-you-can-eat-gorge-yourself-until-you-die right field pavilions. It means drunken arguments with friends over whether Jake Westbrook or Brian Matsuz is a better two-start fantasy option in the upcoming week. It makes all these beautiful, wondrous things relevant again in our hearts and minds. Birthdays are great. Christmas and Hannukah are nice. But this, Opening Day, is truly the most wonderful time of the year.

The Hops and Barley National Championship

We started with sixteen dreamers. Now, we have whittled away fourteen pretenders and are left with the final two beers left from the original Sweet, Sweet Beer 16. Ladies and gentlemen, here is your final:

The Hops and Barley National Championship Game

#1 Newcastle

#1 Fat Tire

This is nothing short of a clash of the titans. Both beers faced tough, arduous roads throughout the Sweet, Sweet Beer 16 to get here. To cast your vote for the Hops and Barley National Championship, simply leave your choice as a comment to this post. Your beer is depending on YOU for votes! This is like the Ali vs. Frazier of meaningless beer tournaments. It's just so beautiful.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Floyd Mayweather Makes More in One Half of Basketball Than You Do In An Entire Year

Floyd Mayweather likes to gamble. Not like how you or I blow a couple hundred bucks at the Blackjack table when we are in Vegas. I mean he REALLY likes to gamble. Below are two recent betting slips from bets placed by Mayweather. Combined, the two bets netted Floyd roughly $140,000. On the first bet, he took Duke at -5 for the first half of their game against Arizona. If you will remember, Duke led by 6 at the half, so CHA-CHING....$90,909.10 for Floyd. The second bet came from tonight's Cavs vs. Heat game. Floyd made another first half bet, taking the Cavs at +12.5. His wager: $50,000. Sure enough, the Cavs led by 12 at halftime meaning another $47,619.05 in Floyd's pocket. Pure chump change.

In other betting news, earlier this year a still unnamed person placed a $10 bet on Virginia Commonwealth University to win the NCAA Title at the Vegas Hilton with 5,000-1 odds. This means he or she stands to make $50,000 on that $10 bet should Virginia Commonwealth do the unthinkable and win the tournament. It's a good thing Vegas has been doing so well since the recession started or otherwise bets like these might start to have the casinos worried!!!

Everything is Bigger in Texas...Especially Hockey Fights

This video is brought to you from this past weekend's the Texas State High School Hockey Championship game in which Keller HS defeated Arlington Martin 9-3. While the game was a bigger blowout than Pauly D's hairdo, the REAL story came after the game was over when an all out melee broke out on the ice. In the video alone, I can count about three separate occasions that have grade three concussion written all over them, most notably #3 in the white jersey performing a blindside flying squirrel on one of his opponents. Oh and yes, those are the kids' parents in the background that you can hear whoopin' and hollerin' like they are cheering on their favorite roided out humans at Wrestlemania. Bravo, Texas. Bravo.

My Name is Lasith Malinga and I GET WICKETS!

[Image screenshot via ESPN]

Most Americans don't really know the ins and outs of cricket. Even fewer know that the Cricket World Cup is currently being held in India, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka. The man pictured above is named Lasith Malinga and he is super duper pumped because his Sri Lankan team bested New Zealand in the semifinals and is now heading to the finals to face the winner of India vs. Pakistan. This pose alone has won me over. I am now officially the Sri Lankan Cricket Federation's #1 fan. SRI-LANK-A! SRI-LANK-A! SRI-LANK-A! The finals will take place on April 2nd in Mumbai.

Cam Newton Probably Won't Invite This Guy to His Next B-Day Party

Despite the ongoing labor disputes and quality of beer in NFL stadiums, both items that I have documented at length in the past, some of us are still looking forward to the NFL Draft coming up in late April. There is plenty of intrigue this year with the likes of Blaine Gabbert, Ryan Mallet, Jake Locker, and Cam Newton all as potential first round picks that could prove to be game changers at the QB position. Each one of these QB's has there pluses and minuses. It has been rumored that Mallett may or may not have a history with some drugs of the illegal variety and Jake Locker looked a lot more like Ryan Leaf than Peyton Manning in his return campaign to the University of Washington. These type of character and mechanical flaws are definitely things that scouts and teams should scrutinize in leading up to the draft. After all, a first round pick has been known to make or break a GM's career on more than one occasion.

However, there are times when some of these evaluators feel as if they have been granted an honorary Ph.D in Psychology, and seem to take out personal vendettas on players. Take Nolan Nawrocki's breakdown of Cam Newton's "negatives" in his annual NFL Draft guide edition of Pro Football Weekly:

"Very disingenuous — has a fake smile, comes off as very scripted and has a selfish, me-first makeup. Always knows where the cameras are and plays to them. Has an enormous ego with a sense of entitlement that continually invites trouble and makes him believe he is above the law — does not command respect from teammates and will always struggle to win a locker room. Lacks accountability, focus and trustworthiness — is not punctual, seeks shortcuts and sets a bad example. Immature and has had issues with authority. Not dependable."

In my opinion, this above evaluation reads a lot more like a guy that got left off of Cam's b-day party invite list than an honest to goodness evaluation of the man's talents and potential for future success. Sorry that you weren't invited to Chuck-E-Cheese's this year Nolan, but I think it might be a little bit more relevant to focus more on the flaws pertaining to Cam's mechanics and character issues, rather than solely his love of the camera. I am not arguing that Nolan is completely off base in his assessment of Cam Newton in the above blurb, but I think he can do better.

"Look! There's Cam and that fake smile again! He sure does know how to find those cameras!!"

Monday, March 28, 2011

Sad Guy of the Day- Gordon Hayward

This time a year ago, Gordon Hayward was quickly becoming a household name. The 6'9" combo guard/forward that had quietly flown under America's radar for much of the year had helped the scrappy lil Horizon League champs Butler Bulldogs reach The Big Dance as a respectable #5 seed. His team opened up with a solid wins over UTEP squeaked by (Bill) Murray State, leading to a glorious entry into NCAA Tournament's equivalent of the Senior Prom known as the Sweet 16. While impressive, most people wrote Hayward and Butler off, as they now had to face and upend #1 seed Syracuse in order to move on. But of course, like any darling little Cinderella, Butler put on their glass slippers and promptly put away the Orange 63-59 led by Gordon Hayward and his 17 points. Next up was #2 seed Kansas State. Yet again, Hayward produced a huge night with 22 points and 8 rebounds, to help Butler reach the Final Four. It was at this point that Gordon Hayward mania began to sweep the nation. All across the country, people were clamoring for his interview and Jay Bilas was knocking on his door, pining to the be the first in line to give him a celebratory beej. Analysts everywhere began to have Hayward shooting up their draft boards despite his athleticism and lack of a true position (Can't say I've heard of too many 6'9" shooting guards making it in the NBA). In miraculous fashion, Hayward again led the charge against Tom Izzo and Michigan State to pull out yet another victory for a date with destiny and the only thing on God's green Earth hated more than Snooki: The Duke Blue Devils. In the championship game, Hayward and Butler managed to keep it close and Hayward even got off a last second heave for the win that managed to hit iron but rim out. It was a truly great game, one of the best I have seen as far as NCAA tournament titles go.

There were a few moments of heartache and sadness after the loss, but Gordon's eyes quickly turned to dollar $igns as he immediately turned his eyes toward the NBA draft to capitalize on his teams tremendous NCAA Tournament run. I can almost remember the exact words of Gordon's father as he decided he would forgo his last years of eligibility and enter the NBA draft: "What's he supposed to do? Make it back to the finals with this team and make that last shot and win the tournament again? He has nothing left to prove here. I know he's ready". Gordon ended up being chosen by the Utah Jazz (Biggest No Brainer in the History of Mankind) with the 9th overall pick. Hey Gordon, might be nice to try and ask your Dad to not throw the rest of the team under the bus next time? They might just, oh I don't know, make it ALLLLL the way back to the Final Four and possibly win the National Championship without your punk ass. There is a player like this in every single NCAA tournament. That kid that does very well throughout much of the year, often gets a little to moderate amount of hype, but then puts on the afterburners as soon as the big lights come up. He starts to get noticed by a few scouts and all of a sudden, a fringe first round pick rockets his way into the lottery based on a sample size smaller than Paris Hilton's IQ. The list of these types of players is endless. Last year it was Gordon Hayward and Luke Babbitt, a few years back it was Josh McRoberts, and others include Pervis Elllison, Adam Morrison, Ed O'Bannon. These are all players that all decided to forego their reaming year(s) of eligibility, thanks in large part to stellar performances in the tournament. This year, I feel like Kemba Walker is poised to do just the same after his season is over at UConn. I do not mean to take anything away from any of the players I have mentioned about. I am merely stating that I think there is a lot to be said for players spending their full four years in college if they aren't a one and done NBA superstar like Kevin Durant, Derrick Rose, or John Wall.

There is always growth and potential, and the best place for the to take place is in college where you can be the Big Man on Campus. Otherwise, you might end up like Gordon Hayward averaging 4 ppg in garbage minutes with the Utah Jazz while spending your free time pulling all the splinters out of your ass that you have managed to garner by riding the pine. Had Gordon decided to come back for his senior season, he could have developed his game ever further and would likely be leading the charge again with Shelvin Mack and the rest of the Bulldogs and improving his draft stock even further. Obviously, this is all speculative, but the likelihood of Gordon some sort of career threatening injury or down season that would have hurt his likelihood of being mid-first round draft pick are rather slim. In fact, Hayward would likely have been drafted even HIGHER in this class considering how weak it is from top to bottom. Think he'd rather be back with his teams in Indianapolis waiting for that sweet ride down to Houston for another shot at the National Championship? I am willing to wager the answers would be a resounding "Yes". Poor, poor Gordon.

My Name is Gus Johnson and I GET BUCKETS

If you have been around a television set in in the past few weeks, you have undoubtedly heard the booming, bellowing calls of CBS commentator Gus Johnson emanating from the games as he calls games for the NCAA tournament. Now, thanks to the powers of the internet (and a lovely tip from Dan Goldstein), you don't even have to leave your computer screen to hear his angelic catchphrases booming through your living. By all means, have fun for 5 minutes or 5 hours with the link below.

With the tournament almost over and no new NFL season in sight, what will Gus Johnson do next? I hear Kate Middleton and Prince William are looking for a PA announcer for their wedding. Just think of the possibilities...

The Final 4(0) Oz.

So, the stupor obviously took a little longer than expected to come out of, but without any further adieu, Here is your Final 4(0) Oz for the Tournament:

Western Semifinals

#1 Newcastle vs. #3 Pacifico

While Newcastle breezed through the first two rounds of the tournament, breezing passed the likes of Miller High Life, Pacifico is now proven and battled test after outlasting the likes of Sierra Nevada and #1 seeded Guinness.

Eastern Semifinals

#1 Fat Tire vs. #4 Modelo

What more can be said about Modelo's run that has not been said already. After pulling off the huge first round upset of overrated Chimay, they then continued their barrage against a battered Stella Artois. Will they have anything left in the tank to take down another #1 in Fat Tire?

Voting for this round will remain open until Tuesday evening, with winners announced Wednesday morning. Again, to have your vote cast, you must click through the link post and then leave a comment with your picks. Dick Vitale already left his, so why the fuck haven't you left yours? Whichever beer ends up winning, I will probably end up drinking a keg of it during the actual NCAA Final 4 next weekend. Sounds like a solid life choice.

Friday, March 25, 2011

The Elite IP8

Wow. After an intense two days, the Sweet, Sweet Beer 16 has now been whittled down to the Elite IP8. No upsets in the Southwest Regional as both Newcastle and Sapporo advance easily over High Life and Ichiban. Excellent guard play really carried both teams and will make for an excellent matchup in the Elite IP8. In the East, Fat Tire cruised to an easy victory over Mid-Southwestern Atlantic Hops Conference champions Colt 45, and will now face Heineken in the next round. In the first huge upset of the tournament, Modelo outlasted Chimay to earn their first ever bid in the Elite IP8. Their date with destiny now must go through a senior-laden Stella Artois team that is motivated and battle tested. The Midwest bracket also produced plenty of fireworks as Guinness managed to edge upstart Becks 5-4. They now face a grueling quarterfinals matchup against Pacifico's three point barrage.

Ladies and gentlemen, here are your Elite IP8 matchups:

Southwest Regional

#1 Newcastle vs. #2 Sapporo

East Regional

#1 Fat Tire vs. #2 Heineken

Northeast Regional

#2 Stella Artois vs. #4 Modelo

Midwest Regional

#1 Guinness vs. #3 Pacifico

Voting for the Elite IP8 is open through Saturday evening, with the winners to be announced Sunday morning (or whenever I eventually wake up from my stupor). The winner of the Southwest Regional will advance to face the winners out of the Midwest, and the darlings of the East will face off against the Northeast champions. To vote, simply write a comment to this post with the beers you would like to see advance. There is no love lost amongst these beers, but needless to say, I love them all.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

This Week in Flopalottapuss - Kemba Walker Goes For Gold

Kemba Walker does his best Chris Bosh impression while the clock isn't even running! Way to go buddy! You get the Flopalottapuss Gold Star of the Week.

[Video via Yahoo]

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Dope Non-THM Blog of the Day: Street Art Utopia

Holy Crap Qatar is Building Shadow Clouds For The 2022 World Cup

A few months back, the country of Qatar won the bidding war to host the 2022 FIFA World Cup. Many questioned the choice due to the country's arid, desert climate and brutal summers which could make life rather uncomfortable for players, fans, and just about anything with sweat glands. Well, looks like Qatar is just gonna throw a ton of money at Mother Nature and make her beg for mercy. It seems that the tiny nation, with near bottomless pockets thanks to deep oil reserves, will be developing a remote controlled "shadow cloud" that will provide shade and cover to players on the field and fans in the stands at outdoor stadiums. Here is an image of what the prototype might look like:

[Image via Peninsula]

The prototype "shadow cloud" will cost something in the neighborhood of $500,000 and is being developed by Dr. Saud Abdul Ghani at Qatar University. Maybe Dr. Ghani could also design a large beer cup that is actually larger than a small beer cup for Qwest Field. The cloud looks kind of like a giant iPhone and is a bout 3/4 the size of a soccer field. If this all turns out to be a giant publicity stunt for a Battle: Los Angeles sequel, consider me thoroughly impressed.

Sweet, Sweet Beer 16

In honor of the annual NCAA Tournament's Sweet 16, I have decided to put my own little spin on this American classic in the form of the Sweet, Sweet Beer 16. Here's what the tournament will look like:
  • Sixteen brands of beer will be entered, broken down into four regions each with seeds #1-4.
  • What? You don't like my seeding? That's too bad. Go make your own goddamn Sweet, Sweet Beer 16.
  • If there is a tie in the votes for a matchup at the end of a round, advancement will be determined by a coin flip.
  • The winner of each matchup will be determined via reader poll. Each poll will be open for two days. Winner advances to the next round, so on and so forth.
With all that said, ladies and gentlemen, here are your beers competing in the First Annual Sweet, Sweet Beer 16:

Southwest Regional

#1 Newcastle vs. #4 Miller High Life

#2 Sapporo vs. #3 Kirin Ichiban

East Regional

#1 Fat Tire vs. #4 Colt .45

#2 Heineken vs. #3 Blue Moon

Northeast Regional

#1 Chimay vs. #4 Modelo

#2 Stella Artois vs. #3 Corona

Midwest Regional

#1 Guinness vs. #4 Becks

#2 Sierra Nevada Pale Ale vs. #3 Pacifico

To be a part of the poll, simply select your choice for the winner of each matchup and then enter them as a comment to this post. Winners will be announced Friday morning.

Moment of Zen - A Rebecca Black & Deadmau5 Collabo

Friday n' Stuff - Deadmau5 ft. Rebecca Black

Monday, March 21, 2011

I Want to Wonderlic You From Your Head to Your Toes

A few days ago, the Wonderlic scores for a number of the top 2011 NFL draft prospects were finally released to the public. For those who don't know, the Wonderlic Personnel Test is a standardized 50 question cognitive aptitude exam that tests basic problem solving and learning. The examination comes with a 12 minute time limit and has been a mainstay at the NFL Combine for years. A Wonderlic score of 20 has been said to indicate "average intelligence". Whether fair or not, the test is usually used to gauge a player's relative intelligence and a simple, standardized formula has been crafted to convert Wonderlic scores into rough guesstimates of an individual's intelligence quotient:

IQ = 2WPT + 60

Here is a list of scores for some of the top 2011 NFL draft prospects, courtesy of the Daily Dolphin:
  • QB Greg McElroy, Alabama - 43
  • QB Blaine Gabbert, Missouri - 42
  • OT Anthony Costanzo, Boston College - 41
  • CB Prince Amukamara, Nebraska - 35
  • TE Julius Thomas, Portland St. - 35
  • QB Christian Ponder, Florida St. - 35
  • OT Steve Schilling, Michigan - 35
  • QB Ryan Mallett, Arkansas - 26
  • QB Cam Newton, Auburn - 21
  • QB Jake Locker, Washington - 20
  • WR Julio Jones, Alabama - 15
  • WR A.J. Greene, Georgia - 10
  • CB Patrick Peterson, LSU - 9
For a little perspective, here is a list of Wonderlic scores for some current and former NFL players:
  • P Pat McInally, Harvard - 50 (Only perfect score ever recorded @ the Combine)
  • QB Ryan Fitzpatrick, Harvard - 48
  • TE Ben Watson, Georgia (Transferred from Duke) - 48
  • QB Alex Smith, Utah - 40
  • QB Ben Roethlisberger, Miami (OH) - 25
  • QB JaMarcus Russell, LSU - 24
  • QB Tim Tebow, Florida - 22
  • QB Brett Favre, Southern Miss - 22
  • QB Michael Vick, Virginia Tech - 20
  • QB Dan Marino, Pitt - 15
  • QB Terry Bradshaw, Louisiana Tech - 15
  • QB Donovan McNabb, Syracuse - 14
  • K Sebastian Janikowski, Florida St. - 9
  • QB Vince Young, Texas - 6 (Scored a 16 on his second try)
As this sampling shows, an "above average" score isn't necessarily indicative of a bright career (JaMarcus Russell, Alex Smith). Conversely, a "below average" score doesn't necessarily translate to bust status (Donovan McNabb, Dan Marino). Hell, even Sebastian Janikowski, who's IQ translates to a 78 according to the aforementioned conversion formula (which just so happens to probably be the size of his waistline), has managed to stick around the NFL with the Oakland Raiders for ten years. The debate as to the relevance of the Wonderlic exam in gauging one's performance in the National Football League rages on.

All Sports Announcers Should Be Spanish Sports Announcers

Literally everything about the last 30 seconds of this EuroLeague matchup between Real Madrid and Unicaja Malaga is pure gold.

El Rumor Mill

My sources tell me...

  • There is literally no team more in complete disarray in all of sports than the New York Metropolitans. Last week, they released Luis Castillo while eating the $6 million still owed to him on his contract and this morning the team severed ties with starting pitcher Oliver Perez who is still owed an absurd $12 million. The Wilpons might actually manage to pull off the impossible and lose more money to terrible contracts than they did to Bernie Madoff.
  • An MRI over the weekend showed that San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson has suffered a mild strain to his rib cage and may be unavailable for Opening Day on March 31st. It is still unknown as to whether the injury was baseball related or if the Machine is just starting to get a little too feisty in the bedroom.
  • A few weeks ago, former New York Giants running back Tiki Barber announced that he would attempt to make a comeback to the NFL after spending the past few years as a failed pretty boy sideline reporter. It has been rumored that his true motivation for making the comeback stems from a need to make hefty child support payments that he has incurred since he left his pregnant wife for a 23 year old intern at NBC. Nothing like a little child support debt to get the body feelin' young and limber again!
  • Still no new CBA. Still no new stipulation in proposed CBA to make large beer actually larger than small beer at Qwest Field. This should easily be the #1 item being discussed at the bargaining table.
  • The Great Melo Experiment seems to be crumbling before the eyes of the Empire State Building and the Knick faithful. The New York Knickerbockers are now an underwhelming 7-8 since acquiring Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups from the Denver Nuggets at the trade deadline. In the first quarter of their game against the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday, the Knicks were outscored 32-9. Maybe Carmelo should put down the Nathan's chili cheese dog and pick up a "Defense for Dummies" book.
  • Manchester United appears poised to reach into their eternally deep pockets and beat out rival Arsenal to sign 17-year old Southampton sensation Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Sir Alex Ferguson is apparently serving up a deal for the wunderkind somewhere in the $15-16 million range. If you've never heard his name before, the video below will help to explain why he is worth that kind of moolah.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Who Would in a Fight: Roger Goodell vs. Tom Brady

  1. As the above photo can attest to, Rog's hours days weeks spent in the tanning bed have left him with a leathery exterior capable of repulsing damn near any type of physical attack.
  1. His "backup" would be a posse of old, rich white dudes that are much more renowned for their penny pinching than their physical prowess.
  2. A Brooks Brothers suit is rather restrictive fighting attire and will limit his range of motion. 
  3. Would likely choose to recuse himself from any sort of physical altercation for fear he might damage his well manicured coiffure.

  1. As the above photo can attest to, Tom is just so goddamn dreamy he has been known to literally stop men and women dead in their tracks.
  1. Typically has five to six 300+ lb. dudes guarding him from physical harm. What a fucking pansy!
  2. Any fight he lines up would likely be delayed or called off due to Bill Belicheck trying to illegally videotape and spy on the opponent ahead of time.
  3. Would DEFINITELY choose to recuse himself from any sort of physical altercation for fear he might damage his well manicured coiffure. 

Blake Griffin is the Offensive Foul Monster

I am no lip reader, but I am pretty sure that is him saying "These ducks are killing me" in the last video.  Beware the ducks, Blake.  Beware the ducks.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Ladies and Gentlemen, Your UEFA Champions League Quarterfinals Matchups

Real Madrid vs. Tottenham

Internazionale vs. Schalke 

Chelsea vs. Machester United

Barcelona vs. Shakhtar Donetsk 

(My picks to advance in bold.)

The quarterfinal action will get underway starting on April 5th.  Super surprised the New York/New Jersey MetroStars didn't make a deep run in this year's tournament.

Timmy's Got the Munchies

There is a lot of propaganda going around that athletes follow extremely strict diets and monitor what goes into their body more closely than America monitors what goes up Charlie Sheen's nose.  It's just plain not true.  They enjoy gorging themselves on cow and potato just as much as every other red, white, and blue blooded American.  Take Tim Lincecum for instance.  In a recent interview with USA Today, Timmy was asked about what he likes to eat when he goes to his fave dining establishment, In-N-Out.  Here is a list of what he typically orders for himself:
  • Three Double-Doubles (590 calories each)
  • Two Orders of Fries (395 calories each)
  • One Strawberry Shake (590 calories)
All that combined comes out to a grand total of 3,150 calories per sitting.  That is one helluva case of the munchies.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Reel American Hero: Batman and Eddie Murphy Discuss Traffic Cones, Life as a Doughnut

A quaint discussion between two of my favorite philosophers, Troy and Abed.

Moment of Zen

4 Strings - Take Me Away (Dave Darell Remix)

The Wizards Have A Fever and The Only Prescription is More Triple-Doubles

Last night the Bulls and the Wizards squared off in The Windy City. This video below will make it obvious which team is competing for the #1 seed in the East and which team is competing for the #1 pick in the draft. With a little over three and a half minutes left in the game, JaVale McGee had a stat line of 9 points, 12 rebounds, and 12 blocks. The Wizards spent the remainder of the game routinely feeding the ball to McGee in order to try and get him those last points for the triple-double. There was no semblance of any type of motivation to try and at least look like they were still trying to play like a "team". To further emphasize how terrible the Wizards are, they weren't able to get JaVale those needed points until there were less than twenty seconds left in the game. As the cherry on top, he managed to pull down a technical foul for excessive celebration after getting his tenth and eleventh points. In much more important news, the Bulls pulled into sole possession of first place in the Eastern Conference with the victory. Surprisingly, this is not the first time a D.C. Wizard has gone on a bloodlust for a triple-double in the final minutes of a game. Last year, Andray Blatche was one rebound shy of the feat with about thirty seconds left a game. He proceeded to spend the next half minute attempting to bowl over anything that was living, breathing, and/or standing in his way of that last rebound. He even went as far as to try and bribe Yi Jianlian (who was playing for the opposing New Jersey Nets) into letting him get position for a last second rebound on a free throw. John Wall and his impeccable Dougie is the last remaining hope for pulling this franchise up by its bootstraps. These videos really make me pine for the glory days of the Wizards when they were still the Bullets and Gheorghe Muresan was king.

To be fair to the Wizards, Andray Blatche, and JaVale McGee, they are all still better than Ricky Davis who famously once attempted to secure the last rebound for a triple-double by shooting at his own basket. In the biggest no brainer in the history of mankind, he did so while wearing a Cleveland Cavaliers jersey.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Do You Like Beer?

If so, then this handy dandy troubleshooting chart will help you in any type of major beer related situation.

The Darkest Side of Adolescence

Casey Heynes has been bullied his whole life. As the video above will show, he finally decided to do something about it. There are so many things that trouble me about this video. First and foremost, the little punk kid in the hat that decides to pester and punch Casey for no apparent reason. However, what upsets me even more is all the other kids just standing around gawking at the scene like this is normal, everyday behavior. At no point does anyone seem to try and verbally or physically stop the fight and no one seems to be running off trying to bring an adult to try and calm the situation. All that being said, I cannot condone Casey's behavior either. Clearly this bully (and even more so, the cameraman behind this video) are little shits, but confronting a physical altercation with a body slam that made me cringe isn't the answer either. I am all for kids like Casey standing up to their agitators, but there needs to be systems and mechanisms put in place that remove physical violence as a last resort to ending the problem. Bullying is no rare or isolated phenomena. We all saw it growing up on our playgrounds and how accepted it becomes in the microcosm of adolescence. Often times, school administrators will turn a blind eye to the situation or remain too oblivious to even know its going on. I went through my fair share of it as a kid, and let me tell you, it's hell. There needs to be a radical shift in the way that students, parents, and schools confront and deal with the situation. Exercising a proactive approach to confronting the problem rather than a reactive one could help prevent scenes like this from happening.

Looks Like Someone Could Use a Canoli

Looks like someone was having a case of the Mondays this past Saturday in Italy. While down 1-0 to Juventus, Cesena striker Emanuele Giaccherini managed to scoot by the Juve defense and blow two easy shots on goal. Luckily for his own personal safety, Cesena managed a 2-2 draw with La Fidanzata d'Italia. I can't decide whether Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" or Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time" would be the perfect soundtrack for this video. Any thoughts?

Monday, March 14, 2011

Sodom and Gomorrah and Albany

SUNY Albany Frat Bros: Ruining All That is Fun and Holy

Here is some footage from this past weekend's "Kegs n' Eggs" festival at SUNY Albany. Apparently the annual festival features a ton of inebriated frat bros and sorority gals basically going postal on anything that moves within the city limits of Albany. You can find plenty of other videos from the lovely little soiree on the YouTubez. Many of the videos you will find feature some sort of car smashing and dude on dude physical altercations. Why can't all you SUNY Albany bros just chillax and kick back with some brewskis and Dave Matthews Band? You don't even have to go that drastic. Just try and have your own personal Ragetober Fest without getting the riot police team called on you. Thank you SUNY Albany for ruining good old fashioned drunken debauchery for the rest of us.

Moment of Zen

Jamie, My Intentions Are Bass - !!!

March Madness Has Reached a Fever Pitch

Welcome back to March Madness, the most beautiful and wondrous time of the year. With an expanded tournament that now features 68 teams, there is even more room for madness than ever before. Madness madness madness!!!!! Despite this expansion, the NCAA still managed to screw over a few teams (Alabama, Colorado) while providing a continuously lame line of excuses for their exclusion and letting in teams that lost in the quarterfinals of the Conference USA tournament (Alabama-Birmingham). Mind you, such snubbery and controversy is very welcomed. It helps us pass the time during those last few days before we get to see a couple of 16 seeds duke it out in the "play-in round". With all that said, here is my top 5 picks for first round upsets in this years NCAA tournament:
  1. #12 Richmond over #5 Vanderbilt
  2. #10 Penn State over #7 Temple
  3. #12 Utah State over #5 Kasnas State
  4. #9 Illinois over #8 UNLV
  5. #13 Belmont over #4 Wisconsin
Start filling out those brackets people! Here's hoping this year's tournaments brings us many more moments like these:

Friday, March 11, 2011

Again, Rugby is Cooler Than Any Sport You Care About

The Mustachioed One never fails.

El Rumor Mill

My sources tell me...

College Basketball
  • Everyone just take a quick second to review the greatness of Kemba Walker. Some would call Kemba's performance "clutch". I just say "he's good at basketball". I'm probably correct in this matter.
  • The game of the century will be played this saturday as the Harvard Crimson square off against the Princeton Tigers on Yale's court. Are we sure these guys are meeting for a basketball game and not the annual Sanderson Regatta? Harvard hasn't been to the tournament since Truman was President and neither team has the prowess of a powerhouse like Cornell to make a Sweet 16 run. So what exactly are they playing for again? The right to probably face someone like Kemba Walker in the first round of the NCAA tournament. Should be a good old fashioned barn burner!
  • New England Patriots safety Brandon Meriweather looks like he may have busted out some crazy in Apopka, Florida in late February. Meriweather was reportedly involved in a shooting that took place outside of some illustrious watering hole known as the Blue Jeans Lounge. Two men were injured by gunfire, one in the head and the other in the face, and the investigation remains ongoing.

  • In other Patriots news, pretty boy jackass quarterback Tom Brady was photographed bobbing up and down with his pretty new ponytail at Carnaval in Brazil. Not only did he look stupid with the ponytail, but who the fuck wears an Oral-B shirt. They had better be paying him off with a lifetime supply of dental care products and Herbal Essences shampoos for him and Giselle to share in order to make that little sponsorship worthwhile.
  • Dallas Mavericks head coach Rick Carlisle recently referred to his team as "soft" after a late 4th quarter surge by the opposition led to a 93-92 loss to the New Orleans Hornets. Mark Cuban fired back with his own missile crisis of a retort stating, "I just see more and more teams that are taking physical liberties on our guys...". Way to spruce that one up a bit, Mark.
  • If the NFL owners and players are unable to come to terms on a new CBA, the NFL should definitely sell the "No Fun League" moniker to the French Football Federation. Cedric Enjorlas, president of FC Borne, was recently suspended for six months by the FFF for making a "joke offer" to Barcelona for lil Lionel Messi. FC Borne is a second division club in a small, regional French league that was seemingly one diminutive Argentinian striker away from a league championship. However, Enjorlas is taking his suspension in stride and reacting similarly to how I would in his situation. "I am going to have to spend three months in the bar". Good man.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Art Imitating Life

Artist, animator, and apparent Tottenham superfan Richard Swarbrick brings us this little masterpiece. The highlights featured in the video come from Gareth Bale's two games against Inter Milan earlier this season. According to Deadspin, Richard spent 35 hours preparing each individual slide to create this video. Talk about a labor of love. Looks like someone's got a itsy bitsy crush on young Gareth.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Jersey Shore Screw Job

There is probably no state I detest more in the Union than New Jersey, but not even the sad saps at Rutgers deserve this kind of treatment. In the quarterfinals of the Big East tournament, the day after an overtime victory over Seton Hall, Rutgers was faced with referees who decided that the rules no longer apply with less than 5 seconds remaining in a game. Down by two points with about five seconds left, Rutgers attempted a long (and probably stupid) inbound pass that was intercepted by a St.John's player. The St. Johnnie then proceeds to travel, step out abounds, and commit about 3-5 other basketball violations that should have warranted at least SOME sort of whistle from the referees. But alas, the whistle blowers on the floor of Madison Square Garden stayed silent. The video also shows one of the refs scurrying into the tunnel within milliseconds of the final buzzer. Perhaps the referee saw J-Woww in the walkway and figured this was his last chance to go Snookin' for love. Hey Rutgers, at least you still have White Castle : -/

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

From the Department of Super Cute and Dope Videos Department

Cute Vid:

Baby slow loris loves umbrella, uses it to shield herself from ever-prodding jerk wad humans.

Dope Vid:

DJ Kitty is second only to the Rally Monkey.

Blake Who?

When you are a Division III basketball player, notoriety and publicity usually aren't very easy to come by, unless your team gets upended by a collection of robot super nerds from Pasadena whose combined IQ score is likely equal to the number of grams of cocaine Charlie Sheen has consumed in his lifetime. One notable exception to this rule is 5'11" senior guard Jacob Tucker out of Illinois College. What makes Jacob so special? Probably has something to do with his 51" vertical leap. Imagine being able to jump as high as Lil Kim is tall. THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES!!! Jacob is petitioning to be the very first Division III basketball player to compete in the Collegiate Dunk Contest. I wonder how many mid-sized automobiles Jacob plans on dunking over...

Tiki Barber, The Demon Barber of Wall Street, Is Attempting a Comeback

Former New York Giants running back Tiki Barber, bro-ham of Ronde, appears to be poised to try and make a comeback to the NFL after sitting on his ass for four years making the rounds as a "television personality". I really hope Tiki decides to wear more than just his underoos if he ever does step back onto an NFL field. I hear that they are not really great at preventing concussions, not like Roger Goodell really cares about his or any other players' well being anyways.

Monday, March 7, 2011

(Not So) Fun Facts of the Day

A listing of proposed cuts to federal programs along with a set of tax breaks that are allowed for wealthy Americans. The lovely glowing red column on the far right also lists the combined costs of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan through the beginning of 2011.

Bad Weekend For the Knight Family

First ol' Papa Knight gets in some hot water for saying "chickenshit" during a live ESPN broadcast and then word comes down this morning that his son Pat Knight has been relieved of his duties after just three seasons at Texas Tech University. I completely understand the whole Pat Knight firing because he was just not a very good basketball coach, but isn't everything that Bobby Knight says on the airwaves just a bunch of chickenshit? Somewhere Ron Swanson is weeping softly.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

All Hail the Eephus Pitch

I don't know if they give out Academy Awards to 5 minute long documentaries, but can someone please get the creator of this video a goddamn medal or something? Easily one of the most emotionally upstanding and visually magnificent videos I have seen all day, this short documentary introduces us to Japanese pitcher Kazuhito Tadano, one of the last remaining masters of the lost art of the eephus pitch. The video also features a number of scientists performing tests on Tadano to try and better understand the knee buckling superpower of the eephus pitch. Science rules.

Reel American Hero: DJ Roomba

Top 10 Baseball Fights

Major League Baseball's spring training is in full swing and the regular season is just around the corner. In order to celebrate this beautiful time, I bring you MLB's Top 10 bench clearing brawls, thanks to an old episode of ESPN's SportsCenter. So great to see teams duking it out with one another....unless you're the Chicago Cubs. Then you just decide to go to town on your own teammates' skulls.

Water Works in Miami

What a great day to be a Heat Hater! Miami and its trio of ball stars failed to win again today, suffering their fourth straight loss in a 87-86 defeat to the Chicago Bulls. Again, the Heat seem to have trouble figuring out who is going to be da man in crunch time. Is it Lebron? Is it Dwyane? It's definitely not Sir Flopalottapuss Chris Bosh, and at this point, no one really touches the ball anymore besides these three anyways so there is no point in anyone else even trying to step up. Erik Spolestra reported that multiple players were crying in the locker room after the game, however I am pretty sure this has everything to do with the post-game spread being subpar and nothing to do with the teams increasing lackluster performances. They have surrendered huge leads in the past week to the Orlando Magic and New York Knicks and there seems to be no clear solution in sight. The league seems to have started to figure out El Heat: If you take away their transition game and force them into half-court sets where they often have to resign to jump shots because of their lack of height, they can be beaten. Also, Derrick Rose continues to look like a man possessed scoring 27 points on over 50% shooting and locking down 5 assists as well. Should make for a super duper fun last trimester of the season.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Screw Charlie Sheen, This Guy is #winning

Here is a four and a half minute video from the 2010 Cerro Abajo Urban Downhill Cycling Race in Valparaiso, Chile. The video was shot from the mounted helmet camera of one of the riders. Before the man even steps on his bike, he immediately won bonus points from me for rocking what appears to be a pinstripe suit. Gotta look classy as you almost cascade into humans, dogs, and probably hundreds of others of God's creatures.

VCA 2010 RACE RUN from changoman on Vimeo.

The Tea Party's Shining Light of Integrity Must Have Never Read The Definition of Integrity

Tea Party All-Star and all around nutcase Michele Bachmann made sweeping promises when she was elected into office about putting an end to earmarks and superfluous pet projects tacked on to bills by legislators. In addition to recently voting against a continuing resolution to avoid a government shutdown because it would not defund Planned Parenthood and the Obama healthcare plan, she has now filed legislation to build a four lane bridge over the St.Croix River in her district. The St.Croix River currently serves as a natural border between Minnesota and Wisconsin, and not surprisingly, the bill is co-sponsored by Wisconsin Republican Sean Duffy. According to a Yahoo News quote from President of American Rivers Foundation Rebecca Wodder, the project would cost taxpayers roughly $600 million and would likely serve to further traffic congestion in the area, in addition to causing irreparable environmental damage to the lower St.Croix River. Glad to see that Mrs. Bachmann is bringing real, honest to goodness integrity back to Washington. Stand by your platform until you reach office and then build, baby build.

Who Would Win in a Fight: Ron Artest vs. Charlie Sheen

  1. For much of his career, he has widely been considered to be the craziest player in the NBA. Combustible at the drop of a hat.
  2. Key player in the "Malice at the Palace". You wouldn't like him when he's angry.
  3. Used to drink Cognac during halftime of games. Liquid courage never hurts in a fight.
  1. Excessive drinking has been known to cause sudden, violent heart attacks.

  1. For much of his career, he has widely been considered the craziest human on the planet. Combustible at the drop of a hat.
  2. Probably has a "Malice in the Palace" in his bedroom on a nightly basis.
  3. Being the brother of Emilio Estevez means he has probably mastered the fine art of the "knuckle puck" and can use it as a weapon.
  1. EVERYTHING Charlie Sheen does has been known to cause sudden, violent heart attacks.

El Rumor Mill: Part Deux

So many fun and exciting things going on this week that I just haaaaaad to double dip!

My sources tell me...

  • Boy howdy are those Amazin' Mets fucked. After reports surfaced that they have already borrowed $25 million from MLB last year, they are now seeking an extra $25-50 million in loans from JPMorgan Chase in order to cover "basic operating expenses". Fred Wilpon should take a cue from an NYC legend and realize that mo money just means mo problems.

  • Speaking of teams that are fucked, how bout them Cardinals! In the past month they have lost ace Adam Wainwright for the year, allowed perhaps the greatest first baseman of our generation to slip through their fingers without signing an extension, and now Chris Carpenter's hammy is feeling clammy. Hopefully the city of St.Louis has enough beer and ribs stashed away to tide fans over till three new All-Stars come along to join the team.
College Basketball
  • It's finally March and you know what that means! Time to fill out your NIT and College Basketball Invitational brackets!!! Southeastern Iowa vs. St.Cloud State has the feeling of one of those games that will be remembered forever.

  • Apparently some guy not named Jimmer Fredette on the BYU basketball team has been kicked off the team due to violating the school's Honor Code. I got good money on Brandon Davies (11.1 ppg, 6.8 rpg) having been kicked off because he stayed up past 10 pm reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
  • Newly acquired Deron Williams seems to be suffering from a strained wrist and bruised thumb and is likely to miss the Nets two upcoming games in London vs. the Toronto Raptors. Clearly this has nothing to do with his wrist or hand and everything to do with Deron Williams finally coming to the realization that Salt Lake City is way more appealing than having to live in the Dirty Jerz, White Castle notwithstanding.
College Football
  • Sports Illustrated decided they would team with CBS to preform background checks on all football players currently on the roster's of next season's pre-season Top 25. What on Earth did there six months of sleuthing uncover?!?! 7.1% of these football players had been charged with or cited for a crime, compared with the national average of 6.6%. And I am sure if they did on a study on the frats at these same Top 25 collegiate institutions, the numbers would be nowhere near this high, right?
  • Video speaks for itself.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

El Rumor Mill

My sources tell me...

  • Now that the trade deadline is finally over, we can now focus on its little bastard cousin: the buyout free agents. Mike Bibby has officially been bought out by the Wiz and it looks like he plans on taking his meager residual talents with him to South Beach. Troy Murphy could also end up in Miami, but Boston could also end up being his final destination. Corey Brewer was a bit of a surprise buyout by the Knicks and the Spurs, Mavs, and Celtics are all lining up for a shot at the young wing.

  • Antawn Jamison suffered a broken pinky this weekend against the 76ers and coach Byron Scott said Luke Harangody will likely be the man to step in to fill the void. The worst team in the NBA is literally doing everything in their power to be as terrible as possible. I am sure next week's El Rumor Mill will delve into the Cav's plans to go in hot pursuit after Luke Walton this summer.
  • The Yankees seem to have decided that signing aging Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Bartolo Colon may not have been the answer to the back end of their rotation this summer. Rumor has it they have been inquiring the Minnesota Twins about the possibility of prying Francisco Liriano from their clutches. The Yankees already have $206 million committed to their payroll for the coming season, which is nearly 6x more than the lowest team payroll in the league (Pittsburgh Pirates - $35 million).
  • A number of former Pro Bowlers and other dece players got cut on Monday including Clinton Portis, Tommie Harris, Kris Jenkins, and Damien Woody. Again, none of this changes the fact that a small beer is still the same size as a large beer at Qwest Field. No justice, no peace.
  • In an FA Cup match between Manchester United and Wigan, Wayne Rooney was able to avoid punishment after blatantly elbowing Wigan midfielder James McCarthy in the face. Local pundits reported that Rooney was able to avoid punishment because McCarthy refused to fall to the ground and writhe in pain like 98% of all other players would. Therefore, McCarthy is receiving the Anti-Flopalottapus King of Kings Gold Star of the week. Congraulations, James.