Monday, March 21, 2011

El Rumor Mill

My sources tell me...

  • There is literally no team more in complete disarray in all of sports than the New York Metropolitans. Last week, they released Luis Castillo while eating the $6 million still owed to him on his contract and this morning the team severed ties with starting pitcher Oliver Perez who is still owed an absurd $12 million. The Wilpons might actually manage to pull off the impossible and lose more money to terrible contracts than they did to Bernie Madoff.
  • An MRI over the weekend showed that San Francisco Giants closer Brian Wilson has suffered a mild strain to his rib cage and may be unavailable for Opening Day on March 31st. It is still unknown as to whether the injury was baseball related or if the Machine is just starting to get a little too feisty in the bedroom.
  • A few weeks ago, former New York Giants running back Tiki Barber announced that he would attempt to make a comeback to the NFL after spending the past few years as a failed pretty boy sideline reporter. It has been rumored that his true motivation for making the comeback stems from a need to make hefty child support payments that he has incurred since he left his pregnant wife for a 23 year old intern at NBC. Nothing like a little child support debt to get the body feelin' young and limber again!
  • Still no new CBA. Still no new stipulation in proposed CBA to make large beer actually larger than small beer at Qwest Field. This should easily be the #1 item being discussed at the bargaining table.
  • The Great Melo Experiment seems to be crumbling before the eyes of the Empire State Building and the Knick faithful. The New York Knickerbockers are now an underwhelming 7-8 since acquiring Carmelo Anthony and Chauncey Billups from the Denver Nuggets at the trade deadline. In the first quarter of their game against the Milwaukee Bucks on Sunday, the Knicks were outscored 32-9. Maybe Carmelo should put down the Nathan's chili cheese dog and pick up a "Defense for Dummies" book.
  • Manchester United appears poised to reach into their eternally deep pockets and beat out rival Arsenal to sign 17-year old Southampton sensation Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain. Sir Alex Ferguson is apparently serving up a deal for the wunderkind somewhere in the $15-16 million range. If you've never heard his name before, the video below will help to explain why he is worth that kind of moolah.

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