Friday, April 22, 2011

Colin Cowherd is an Ass, So Let's Go Heckle Him


For those of you like me that typically prefer to nerd-it-up and listen to sports talk radio during your morning commute, you have more than likely had your ears bleed at some point while listening to Colin Cowherd on ESPN radio. Colin's daily radio show, The Herd With Colin Cowherd, has been gracing the air waves since 2003 and currently airs 7-10 am PST. Colin is what the French commonly refer to as a "douche bag". He often brings in his biased, conservative slant to the bipartisan world of sports and manages to ruin all that many of us find Holy. For those of you that have never heard his show, it typically entails three hours of him boisterously flaunting his moral and ethical ideals from a soap box while simultaneously casting judgement upon those that dare contradict him. He also seems to have a certain fetish for preying on the innocent as well. One of the most notable cases I can remember involved his rant on John Wall growing up without a father figure and how that will inhibit him from becoming a true star in the NBA. To provide a little background, John Wall's father spent much of his son's childhood in prison and died shortly after his release when John was only nine years old. During the first Wizards home game of the season, John Wall made his entrance on to the court while doing the Dougie to tremendous fan fare from the arena. Apparently, this is all Colin needed in order to begin insulting John's upbringing, character, and intelligence. He would go on to state that this type of entrance signified a "me first" mentality that would relegate him to Allen Iverson status, aka, a great player who's selfish attitude created a one dimensional scoring machine that would likely leave him short of ever winning an NBA title or achieving truly elite status in the league. This is fair considering judging a 20 year old three games into his career is more than an ample sample size to lay judgement on how the rest of his years in the league will play out. However, Colin did not stop there. A few games later, Wall managed to post an impressive Triple-Double just a few games into his first year in the league. Obviously, Colin saw this as an excellent time to rip John further, this time bringing his father into the equation. He further went on to state that John's attitude to the game was likely brought on because his father was not around much when he was a kid. To make such a claim is not only asinine, it is downright ignorant. Here is the exact quote from his broadcast, courtesy of The Washington Post:

"Let me tell you something: I'm a big believer, when it comes to quarterbacks and point guards. Who's your dad? Who's your dad? Because I like confrontational players, I don't like passive aggressive. Strong families equal strong leaders. Talent? Overrated. Leadership? Underrated. And you can say, well, Colin, can you just go out and say anything crazy and get people to e-mail. That's not the point. You wouldn't e-mail if I was an idiot, because you wouldn't listen to the show. You listen to the show because we make good points.

"I simply have a different opinion than you do on John Wall. I like the character of Derek Fisher, the rebounding and distribution ability of Rajon Rondo, that's what I like. That's what I want from my point guards. You celebrate the assists more than the buckets.....I know he's great. So don't confuse [me saying] John Wall's no good. No, John Wall's an A+ talent. I don't think he's ever gonna be an A+ win-championships point guard."

"One of the things I've always knocked against Derrick Rose of the Chicago Bulls, Derrick Rose has a passive-aggressive personality. He's not confrontational. What does that mean? That's not a good husband, and it's not a good point guard, and it's not a good CEO. They have brain types. And people who test for brain types knew that Peyton Manning would be much more successful than Ryan Leaf, because of Peyton Manning's family background and his confrontational style. Derrick Rose pouts, gets moody, is passive-aggressive. I'm not a fan of Derrick Rose as my point guard. Rajon Rondo? Very confrontational. Argues with Doc Rivers, argues with teammates, argues with officials. I love that in my point guard. Magic would yap, Manning yaps, Brees yaps, Brady yaps, McNabb yaps. I want guys who are confrontational."

Ah yes, because if this season has taught us anything it's that players like Derrick Rose (25 ppg, 7.7 apg, 4.1 rpg) and John Wall (16.4 ppg, 8.3 apg, 1.8 spg) have no chance of ever becoming leaders for their respective teams. Derrick is just gonna probably end up being the MVP of the league and John blew all other rookies out of the water in terms of assists per game average. Granted, this was back early in the season (Novemberish), but I just find it so incredibly unfair and demeaning to judge an athlete, or any individual for that matter, in such a way so early on in their careers. To top it all off, Colin managed to squeeze in an analogy comparing John to Michael Vick:

"You know, John Wall and Vick are very similar. I"m not disputing their talent. I mean, Michael Vick and John Wall are fun to watch. But building my franchise around him, leadership position? I'm not giving Vick four-year deals, I'm not giving him $40 mil. No way. No. Way."

Colin Cowherd is a man who's ability to be a complete and total utter asshole knows no bounds. However, there is now opportunity to heckle and judge him right back. For some god awful reason, the lovely people at CBS have decided to green light a show inspired by Colin and his daily radio show. The taping of the pilot is scheduled for 6pm on April 26th at the CBS Studios in Studio City. Deadspin has managed to get ahold of the pilot script and has made it available for viewing and boy howdy does it look like a craptacular piece of work. Free tickets to attend the taping have been made available for free to the public. It goes without saying that I find this to be a most excellent occasion to get drunk and go heckle the shit of that slimy asshole Colin. Anyone else care to join?

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