Sunday, June 12, 2011

El Rumor Mill

My sources tell me...

MLB
  • Word came out this week that Major League Baseball is considering a realignment scenario that would move one team from the National League to the American and dissolve the divisional format, thus creating two large divisions of fifteen teams apiece. The most likely team to switch leagues would be the Houston Astros, who currently hold the worst record in all of MLB at 24-42. People in Houston seemed ecstatic at the news of the potential shift, more so because it helped to remind the people of Houston that they actually still have a team.

  • Bartolo Colon recently hit the New York Yankees DL for the first time this season with a strained hamstring. The Yankees will have to scour their farm system in order to fill the void left by the 275 lb. starting pitcher, or they could just go out and hire Eddy Curry. I'm pretty sure his fat ass is not busy doing anything.
College Football

  • It appears that Terrell Pryor is now out of the college game AND out of a car. Here is a photo of his Nissan being towed away from a Columbus, Ohio hot spot known as Buckeye Donuts. Pryor would later be seen on a Columbus Metro Transit Authority bus burying his sadness in a box of a dozen maple twists and bear claws. Tragedy and depression never tasted so good!
NBA
  • There are about two minutes left in game 6 of the NBA finals, and the Mavericks are currently up by 10. If there were any more time or any less of a lead, I would consider what I am about to do to be jinxing the team. With that said, congrats to the 2011 NBA champion Dallas Mavericks. While I am glad to see the Heat go down in flames, I also hate to see this man hoist an NBA title trophy.
  • Due to the injury that Brandon Haywood sustained earlier in the series, Brian "The Custodian" Cardinal has been logging some solid minutes and finished with a +/- of +18 in series clinching game 5 of the finals. Waste Management, Swiffer, and Rubbermaid are all jockeying for position trying to line up an endorsement deal with the power forward. Eat your heart out Brian Scalabrine!
Soccer
  • Earlier this weekend, the Vancouver Whitecaps FC and Seattle Sounders of MLS faced off in a great Northwest battle. Vancouver has not had an easy go of it in their first year in the league, as they currently sit in the basement of the Western Conference. However, this goal by Eric Hassli might give fans a gleaming white flicker of hope.

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