Friday, July 22, 2011

The Worst Ceremonial First Pitchers Of All Time

Sixty feet, six inches. That is all that separates a pitcher's mound from home plate. You'd think it would be fairly simple for most people to get a baseball from point A to point B. I'm not expecting them to fire a 95 mph fast ball right down the heart of the plate, I just mean simply getting the ball reasonably close to its intended target. However, for many this is a task on par with trying to get Eddy Curry down to under 300 lbs. It is futile.

The opening pitch is a ceremonial gesture that allows teams to celebrate a bunch of local shmucks, and on the oft occasion, a retired player or celebrity. It offers a moment in the spotlight and the opportunity to showcase one's talents with a ball and mitt. Sometimes the ball flies directly into the catcher's mitt, sometimes it takes a bounce off to the side, and sometimes it goes sailing off into the stratosphere. Here are a few of the most awesome and egregious opening pitches of all time:

The "Most Effective and Surprising Use of the Power Stance" Award

Lee Jung Hyun

The "Stick To Your Day Job" Award

John Wall

The "Time For A New Optometrist" Award

Carl Lewis

The "Jurassic Park" Award

Baby T-Rex

The "How To Instantly Lose Your Re-Election Campaign" Award

Mark Mallory, Mayor of Cincinnati

The "Nick Cannon Is NOT Hilarious" Award

Mariah Carey

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